J- is for Jumbled up Junk

I may not make much sense today, lets first of all get that out of the way. This pain isnt correct, there is something wrong. Never have I felt so non functional and useless as I currently am. Since October 24th when I woke up with my eyes swollen I have had a constant headache. Some days it is mild and tolerable enough so that I dont have to be so medicated. Other days like today warranted a trip to the ER. It was SO awesome. Not really. I have already had blood work, an MRI, a CAT scan with contrast, and a CAT scan without contrast. Everything says that my brain is okay. If your next thought or words to come out of your mouth are "well its all in your head" you are right you dick, it IS all in my head. I would never wish this pain on anyone else. I mean there are some pretty crappy people in the world and I could give you a list of 5 I know off the top of my head. I would like some answers to the cause of my pain and a well thought out recovery plan, and please no more medication to mask my symptoms. My pockets are not that deep and I have already blown through all of my FSA money on the flex card. I thought I put enough money away to keep us covered for regular visits and medications. WRONG. Oh so very wrong. I dont know how the hell these medical bills are going to get paid. But I have 6 bottles of medication in front of me and this is getting crazy! My liver is about to pack her bags and hit the fucking road. I worry that maybe my kidneys could be next. I had one doctor tell me that my mri showed signes of a mild stoke, maybe he was just going off of my appearance and not actual results. I had my new doctor review the information and hes has stated it looks fine, that there is not anyting abnormal to worry about. He ordered MRI, but at the last minute it was changed to a CAT scan with the contrast. I hope I don't need to have that contrast ever again. Talk about one of the worst feelings I have ever experienced... It burns when its injected through the IV, and its not a slow steady injection. HELL NO I watched this automated pump force about 8 ounces of this stuff into an 18 gauge IV. Yeah I have a bruise. Once the contrast is in it burns your insides and once it hits your kidneys it makes you feel like you pissed on your self. Glad the techs warned me about that feeling. I would have flipped out even more. I had already had a panic attack in the waiting room. Please keep in mind my appt was at 845am. I was sitting in the waiting room and everyone had already come and gone. I got fed up and asked what the hell was the hold up. I had already taken the Valium that the doctor gave me and it didnt help anyway though, but if they tried to put me in the machine mid attack i would not have been okay at all. The receptionist said that the person performing the procedured talked to my dr and they felt it would be best to go CAT scan... THANKS ASSHOLES! I was still shakey during the CAT scan. When I left the office I broke down in the car, and my Danny love gave it his best and tried to help me feel better. I am still waiting on the results from the CAT scan with the contrast. However my trip to the er today gave me an immediate result from a CAT scan. This doctor in the er said it looked good, nothing abnormal. He said that I will need to see a neurologist... Again. The condition this er doc is going with is called Neuropathy and could potentially be the answer to my facial paralisis. You know it could be treated and possibly cured, if it is found early enough. Since 2010 my face has had almost all sensation on my right side, my eye droops, and I hate to admit but at times I have to wipe my mouth because I've started to drool, taking the medication makes it worse. So lets not hold our breath eh. I'm glad we're separated by this screen because I think about this I start to cry. I dont appreciate your stares. I caught you staring before, you tried to make it not so obvious but you suck at that. So like I said jumbled junk right. The medication has taken its toll and I have a feeling it will be hard to hear my alarm in the morning. Another Day Another Time Sew Ducky Sew